Aching to be more, but with no means to be.
Hurting in a sea of total blankness.
These are all emotions that I've felt in my life. Emotions that made me dull and boring and took away my spark for life.
As a child I was quite
Yes, that was me. The girl who wore only dresses because she really wanted to. The girl who, at the age of 12, was mistaken for a manager at Wal-Mart (true story). The girl who used the playground to advance my political agenda. I was that girl.
And sometimes I still am. I still care too much. I still believe to passionately. I'll still tell the cashiers how to run their machines (and for the record, I'm usually correct). And I still sometimes feel like a person surrounded with humanity--with people who love me--but with no one who understands me.
And sometimes that's a lonely place.
But it's in this place of social silence, of secret solitude, that I'm reminded of one certain truth. During my darkest times, this truth has become the rockbed of my foundation...the one truth to grab ahold of and refuse to let go. It's in the Season, the season of celebration for Christ's de-scension from Heaven, that I'm reminded most.
God became flesh and came to dwell among us. To live among us. To die among us. To rise among. To be Immanuel, God with us. (John 1:14)
When I remember this truth, my self-doubt leaves.
My loneliness goes.
I feel warmth again.
I discover that emotions--hurt and joy--are gifts from God and a reflection of His personality.
My self-worth finds a home in God's opinion only.
It's for this reason that I can Sparkle.
I strongly sense that maybe this is all we really want...connection to something. To know that we aren't alone...to know that somebody understands us. And so we reach out into this community of the social media world looking, hoping, wanting to not be alone. But when you close the computer or shut off the phone or turn off the television or leave the restaurant that dreaded loneliness returns with a vengeance taking hold of our emotions.
But here is the truth of the Season: Jesus, God, Lord, Savior, lover...is Immanuel, God with you.
I challenge you in the busyness of the holidays, find Jesus. Find God with you. No longer alone, but surrounded with His manifest presence. Be a reflection of His love and His light.